Top 10 Haunted Holiday Movies

There is a time-honored tradition in Britain of gathering around the fireplace at Christmas to tell ghost stories. In fact, one of the most famous ghost stories of all time is Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. A few years ago, BBC Radio 4 featured a series of 20th century vampire stories read by David Tennant. In my opinion, there’s no better Christmas treat than listening to Doctor Who read vampire stories.

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Vampire hunters: sexier than vampires? Discuss.

As a long-time fan of ghost stories and horror fiction in general, and a writer of dark speculative fiction, December is one of my favorite times of year (aside from Halloween) to watch scary movies. Let’s face it, any time of year is a good time to watch horror movies, but there’s something about this time of year that brings out the desire to contemplate the supernatural. Maybe it’s because winter is the metaphorical death of the year, or maybe it has something to do with the veil between worlds being thinnest on the Solstice, or maybe the long dark nights cause our imaginations to run wild with inherited fears of hungry wolves lurking at the edge of the woods.

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Whatever the reason, it has become a tradition in my house to watch horror-themed (or at the very least black comedy) movies this time of year. I mean, sure, we watch the classics too – Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Frosty the Snowman, and The Year Without a Santa Claus – which, if I’m not mistaken all have some form of monster or element of dark magic. That’s right, dark magic. No one is going to convince me that the black top hat that brings Frosty to life doesn’t contain black magic.

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So, rather than trotting out a tired old list of holiday classics, I thought I’d share my top 10 picks for holiday films that make you laugh uncomfortably, raise the spirits, and possibly the hairs at the back of your neck. Whether you prefer suicide humor, serial killers, demonic possession, mental illness, or just a good old-fashioned ghost story, my list has something for everyone.

  1. Black Christmas (1974): If you hate sorority girls and love serial killers, then this is the holiday film for you.

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  1. Gremlins (1984): A traveling salesman buys his son the worst Christmas present EVER.

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  1. Scrooged (1988): A modern retelling of A Christmas Carol starring Bill Murray. What more do you need to know?

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  1. Better Off Dead (1985): One of the funniest movies about teen suicide you’ll ever see. Happy holidays!

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  1. The Conjuring 2 (2016): Just in case you weren’t sure, The Conjuring 2 is totally a Christmas movie.

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  1. Krampus (2015): Want the kids to stop acting like sugar-fueled psychos before the holidays? Skip “Elf on the Shelf,” and show them this movie.

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  1. 12 Monkeys (1995): A time traveler is sent to the past to prevent the release of a deadly virus and gets a stay at a mental institution for his troubles. Holly jolly!

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  1. Edward Scissorhands (1990): A Frankenstein-like man with scissors for hands has his heart broken after leaving the safety of his home to mingle with monstrous suburbanites.

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  1. The Polar Express (2004): Children are stolen from their homes and taken on a terrifying train ride to the North Pole.

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  1. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993): A heart-warming tale about cultural appropriation gone wrong.

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Fuckable Fictional Characters: Doctor Who

On Monday I wrote about my fondness for Mr. Spock while I was growing up, and mentioned that I was still waiting for a dark-haired stranger from far away to whisk me off on an adventure through outer space. Well, Mr. Spock isn’t the only alien welcome to share my heart and bed. The emotionally complicated Vulcan will always remind me to be proud of who I am and never allow anyone to tell me I’m less of a person simply because of my mixed ethnicity. Difference makes us interesting. Being different teaches us to be strong. Embracing our differences gives us the power to do anything we set our minds to. So, once again, thank you Mr. Spock for making me want to be a better human.

While I was watching Star Trek and daydreaming about joining Star Fleet Academy and smooching Mr. Spock, I was also watching public television and developing a life-long love of the BBC. I think I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I would sometimes pretend to be sick so I could get home early from school to catch a glimpse of another of my favorite aliens. An alien with a space ship that functions as a time machine. Or is it the other way around? Either way, it’s bigger on the inside and despite the fact that its chameleon circuit is broken, the TARDIS can still take you just about anywhere you wish to go in space and time.

February 24: Doctor Who

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The Doctor cosplaying the Doctor.

I have a confession to make. I’ve been putting off writing this post because I’m worried that I’ll never be able to say all the things I want to say about this fan-fucking-tastic fictional character who has been a part of my life since I was a girl. When I was younger the only people who talked about Doctor Who were nerds and weirdos, and since they were usually male, they didn’t think I had anything to say on the subject of regenerating Time Lords with an unusual dress sense. So, for most of my life I was a closeted Doctor Who fan.

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Guess what? I’m out of the closet. Fuck you, misogynistic losers. I’m here to talk about the Doctor!

Which Doctor? Well, you never forget your first Doctor, and mine was the fourth. Tom Baker traveled the universe from 1974 – 81. I loved him so much that I never really got attached to the actors who came after him, and pretty much ignored the sixth through eighth regenerations. Does that make me less of a Whovian? You can think whatever you like, but most fans of the show have their favorite(s) and don’t need to apologize about liking one over another. Until 2005, I loved only one Doctor.

Look at that face. Handsome, yet a bit goofy. Gorgeous curly hair. A big toothy grin. And those clothes are simultaneously scholarly and hedonistic. He kind of looks like an over-educated hobo.

As a kid he reminded me of a live-action cartoon character. He’s an adult with a unique skill-set and an unwillingness to grow up. And he wears many hats. He’s an astronaut. A time traveler. A scientist. A detective. A gentleman of education and leisure. An advocate for people’s rights, no matter what planet they live on. An anarchist. A trouble-maker. A charmer. A hero. A friend. And with each regeneration, his personality becomes a bit more complex and interesting.

In 2005, something wonderful happened. The BBC brought Doctor Who back to our living rooms, gave it a bigger budget, and made the character much darker than I ever remembered.

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This Doctor is scary.

And his companions are pretty damn hot.

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Hi. I’m Jack. Who’s up for a threesome?

Should the companion be sexier than the Doctor?

Rose is an interesting young woman in need of adventure. She’s bored with her daily routine. Even though she loves her mum and best friend Mickey, something is missing from her life. When she meets the Doctor it doesn’t take long to convince her to go traveling through space and time. Shortly after her adventures with the Doctor begin, she meets one of the most fuckable fictional characters of all time, Captain Jack Harkness.

Okay, I have to stop talking about Jack. For now.

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The ninth Doctor had only one season before he regenerated. But in that short amount of time a lot happened, and some of my favorite episodes were created. The first Christmas episode of the 2005 reboot, “The Unquiet Dead”, features Charles Dickens and some very scary aliens. Nothing says Christmas like a good ghost story. It  is one of my all time favorite episodes, because it amplified the element of horror in an already well-established science fiction landscape. And I’ve always believed that science fiction and fantasy need a good dose of horror to make them even more compelling.

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Number 9. Number 9. Number 9.

I really enjoyed watching the episodes with the ninth Doctor, but the fourth Doctor was still my favorite. And then came the tenth Doctor.

I already mentioned how I feel about David Tennant. It doesn’t matter how many times I watch the episodes he appears in, my heart always flutters when he appears on screen. He quickly became my favorite Doctor.

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Rockabilly Doctor Who

Much like the fourth Doctor, he’s handsome and little goofy. His dress sense is a bit more respectable since he’s essentially wearing a skin-tight pinstripe suit that is reminiscent of something between Rockabilly and 1940’s Hollywood gangster. He’s funny, irreverent, intelligent in a way that makes you realize that he’s irritated if you aren’t keeping up, but also weirdly forgetful and scatter-brained. As always, he’s a hero, and he inherited the scariness of the ninth Doctor and takes it up a few notches.

And those glasses. I often make passes at Doctors who wear glasses. Instant sex appeal. What can I say, I like geeky science-obsessed types. You have to admit, he really is adorable. He sticks his tongue out when he’s concentrating really hard, and from time to time, he licks things to figure out what they are. Oh, and kissing. He likes kissing. A lot. It’s one of the few things that distracts him to the point of confusion.

When he isn’t making out with Earth women, he’s usually saving the universe.

Or flirting with famous playwrights.

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Or possibly having a nerdgasm over a new kind of technology he’s never seen before.

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When things get crazy, the best place to be is at his side.

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But whatever you do, don’t piss him off.

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Of course, if you’re a sassy bad-ass lady you can push his buttons to your heart’s delight.

The tenth Doctor has his fair share of companions. All of which are wonderful characters who compliment his eccentricities with just the right amount of love, friendship, and a willingness to trust a madman in a blue box.

And then there’s Donna Knoble.

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Get in the box!

Speaking of gingers…

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David Tennant manned the TARDIS from 2005-10, and when it was his turn to regenerate (um, the second time) I mourned the loss for nearly a year. I was so upset that I refused to watch any of the new episodes with his replacement.

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But then one day a friend convinced me to give the new Doctor a chance.

The eleventh Doctor, Matt Smith, made me laugh and helped dry my tears. He was funny, but in different ways from David Tennant. The tenth Doctor was cool and sexy, but Matt Smith somehow managed to make geekiness sexy in a way that I never thought possible.

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Befuddled, easily embarrassed, a bit narcissistic, and deeply loyal to the people he cares about, he makes all things uncool seem super cool.

Remember what I said about glasses? Yep. Men become instantly more attractive when they put on a pair of specs. Weird hats are cool too.

You know what else is cool? Just about everything this Doctor does. Like helping his artistic friends who suffer from crippling depression see the value of their creations.

But seriously, though.

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I will never not cry while watching this scene.

Or the intimate relationship he has with his time machine that places us somewhere in the Uncanny Valley.

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Anthropomorphic time machines create unsettling sexual tension for Time Lords.

Or the fact that he falls in love with and marries a psychotic archaeologist who happens to be the daughter of his companions in a weird wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey plot twist. SPOILERS, SWEETIE!

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Fuck Nazis!

Best. Companion. EVAH!

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Okay, these companions are pretty freaking fantastic, too.

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Oh, alright. These companions aren’t too shabby either.

And don’t even get me started about Mark Sheppard.

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Dr. River Song (Melody Pond) appears unexpectedly, but not randomly throughout the Doctor’s timeline, and is always full of surprises. Like when she meets the tenth Doctor.

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Would kissing the tenth Doctor count as adultery?

But the eleventh Doctor is her Doctor.

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On your wedding day, the greatest gift a bride can receive is the name of her groom.

And this. This. I can’t even. MORE SPOILERS, SWEETIE!

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It’s true. I totally have the hots for the twelfth Doctor.

But before I start talking about the twelfth Doctor, let’s talk a little bit about one of my favorite days ever. “The Day of the Doctor.” Not one, not two, but three Doctors in one story line, and a glimpse at the Time War on Gallifrey. Shut the front door! We meet the War Doctor and witness his actions the day he stole the TARDIS. And, the legend begins. Or ends?

Back to the fact that the War Doctor is joined by ten and eleven in this feature-length episode I got to see in a MOVIE THEATER! It was like a mini Doctor Who convention, and I will cherish that memory forever. This episode was a love letter to fans all over the globe to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who.

I have a lot of favorite scenes in this episode, but the tenth Doctor’s reaction to the new interior of the TARDIS is priceless.

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His expression reminds me of something…

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Ten and eleven showed off a bit more to remind us just how cool they are.

Oh, and then there was this thing that made everyone get a little choked up.

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And even this guy showed up.

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Let’s talk about this guy.

A lot of people were skeptical about Peter Capaldi’s ability to man the TARDIS, but this wasn’t his first time at the Doctor Who Rodeo.

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I’m the fucking Doctor.

Some people were upset about the fact that he wasn’t as young as 10 and 11.

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The thing about older men is that they used to be young men. If you’re lucky, they mature into handsome devils like this one.

Okay, perhaps he did seem a bit senile after his regeneration.

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But all of the Doctors go through a period of confusion as they readjust to their new bodies and personality quirks.

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Some are just a bit funnier than others.

Seriously, this Doctor is totally whacked out. But, as funny and cranky as he is, he also has some good insight and wisdom that comes with age. As an older Doctor, he’s still energetic and fun and interesting, but he’s a little darker. A little more jaded. And seems hesitant to grow too attached to people. He makes it clear that he is not like the eleventh Doctor. A fact that makes Clara a bit unhappy. Unsettled.

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The twelfth Doctor is a bit more serious. He seems to be doing a lot of quiet reflection. At times he seems more alien than human as we’ve often come to perceive him.

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Maybe he is old enough to be her father, but still sexy.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he observes people a bit more closely. He’s watching. Gathering data.

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I love a man of science.

He’s more of an introvert.

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Socializing is overrated.

The point is, I love this Doctor just as much as I’ve loved the others. Sometimes a bit more, because I know how the other personalities and experiences have shaped him. It’s appropriate for him to be an older man. After all the things he’s seen and felt, perhaps we need to listen to his wisdom and think about where we’re going in our own lives. Besides, as I get older, older men seem even more attractive now than they did when I was having inappropriate thoughts about them when I was still jailbait. Now there’s no harm in having inappropriate thoughts about them.

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I’m speechless, too, River.

Loving a fictional character with many faces and personality quirks has been exciting and rewarding. I’ve learned that I don’t have one particular type when it comes to appearance, but no matter what face the Doctor is wearing (so far), I fall in love with him time and time again. It’s his values and beliefs and intelligence and heroism and dark sense of humor that make him so attractive. So positively fuckable. And while each of the five actors I’ve mentioned (six if you count the War Doctor) is uniquely attractive in his own way, it’s the character that makes me weak in the knees and giggle like a school girl and cry like a baby. Doctor Who has been setting the bar for me since I was in elementary school. If I’m lucky, some day, I’ll meet a man half as amazing as he is. He doesn’t even need to own a TARDIS. But it would help if he had a sonic screwdriver and maybe a nice suit.

Fetishism, Sweetie.

Fuckable Fictional Characters: Kilgrave

A few days ago I started writing a new post. That was Saturday. Saturday was a busy day. My son had a basketball tournament. Then my friends helped me celebrate my birthday with an 80’s Valentines dance party. Sunday was my actual birthday and I celebrated by having breakfast with an old friend and catching a few movies with my son. Monday I revised and cleaned up a manuscript and submitted it to an agent. So, you could say that the past three days were not only busy, but filled wit real life activities involving the real people in my life. I feel like that gives me a reasonable pass to take a break from writing about fictional characters I’d like to fuck.

Today the weather is bad enough that school was canceled, so I have a day at home to catch up on writing blog posts. I’m not sure if I’ll get three posts written to make up for the days I missed, but here’s my first offering.


A few months ago I got an early Christmas gift. I was watching Netflix one evening and caught a preview of a Netflix original show that’s part of the Marvel franchise. I didn’t know anything about the anti-hero Jessica Jones, but when I saw who was cast as the villain, my heart skipped a beat.

You see, David Tennant is my not so secret celebrity boyfriend. He stole my heart as the 10th Doctor, and he was up against some stiff competition. Until then, the only Time Lord I loved was the 4th Doctor. When I was a kid I loved Tom Baker so much that I would pretend to be sick so I would get sent home early to catch the afternoon showing of Doctor Who on PBS. That’s how committed I am to my geekdom.

Before this becomes a post about Doctor Who I better get back on track. Where was I? Oh, right. David Tennant. Despite his emotional range and commitment to his craft, it is often impossible to divorce the actor from the characters he plays. There are a few exceptions to this assertion. For instance, he had a much more somber role in Broadchurch as Detective Inspector Alec Hardy, but even his Hamlet is classic Tennant.

So, without further ado, and by request (this is for you Brian J. Parker), I give you the Purple Man, Kilgrave.

February 16: Kilgrave

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Kilgrave is a scary villain. That’s saying a lot for the Marvel Universe. He’s scary not only because he has the ability to control people’s minds and essentially turn them into puppets, but also because he’s a sociopath and enjoys doing evil shit to his victims.

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That’ll teach him to keep Handsome Sociopathic Stalker Weekly in stock.

A master of manipulation, he zeroes in on the people who can serve him best and then takes over their lives by making them his slaves. If he sees something or someone he likes, he simply takes them. A beautiful home, expensive clothes, free meals in swanky restaurants, jewelry and gifts for his lady friends (all of which are held against their will), and anything else he desires. Well, anything but love. For love to be real, it has to be given freely and willingly. Kilgrave is a control freak to the Nth degree, so it is impossible for him to allow people to act of their own free will and simply hope for the best outcome. He may be evil, but he certainly isn’t an idiot. He knows people can’t be trusted to do what you want them to do. In fact, he doesn’t trust people in general.

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He didn’t say “Simon says”.

Kilgrave’s trust issues developed from a childhood spent in a lab where his parents conducted scientific experiments on him in the hopes of curing a neurodegenerative disease that threatened his life. They managed to stop the disease’s progress, but in doing so tortured their son with a series of painful treatments that caused a mutation in his brain. The unexpected side effect allowed their son to control people’s minds. Unable to trust his own parents, Kilgrave decided to take his frustrations out on the rest of the world.

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Have you considered therapy instead of manipulating people to kill themselves and others?

One night while out on the town with two women under his control, he witnesses a woman, Jessica Jones, fight off two muggers and save Malcolm Ducasse. Malcolm was badly beaten and needed medical attention, but before Jessica can help him further, Kilgrave dismisses his lady friends and takes control of Jessica. He’s fascinated by her and decides to keep her. You know, like a pet. The king of backhanded compliments, he tells her, “Here I am, just debating where to eat and then BAM, there you are, performing feats of heroism. Come here, let me look at you, come on. Jesus you’re a vision, hair and the skin, appalling sense of fashion but that can be remedied.”

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Quickest way to end a date.

For several months Kilgrave holds Jessica prisoner and has sex with her while she is under his mind control. Last I checked, having sex with someone without his or her consent is called rape. It doesn’t matter how many gifts you buy someone or fancy meals you feed them. If you’re using mind control or any other form of manipulation to fuck them on a regular basis, you aren’t a partner you’re a rapist.

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Assholes brag about being assholes.

Kilgrave falls in love with Jessica (obsession can look a lot like love in the eyes of a crazy person) and believes they are actually in a relationship. But how can you be in a relationship with someone when you control every aspect of your interaction with that person? If you always choose where to eat, what the person wears, and how they behave is that really love? Sounds more like a textbook abusive relationship with a narcissistic asshole, right? Except in this case, he can literally control your mind, not just use emotional manipulation to keep you trapped in a toxic relationship.

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Punching him in the face and screaming “Shut the fuck up,” doesn’t even begin to cover what her reaction should be.

Deluded by his belief that he loves Jessica, he stops controlling her mind for 12 hours. It takes that much time for his influence to wear off. He takes off her mental leash to prove that she has the same feelings for him. In those 12 hours Jessica remembers all of the terrible things he has done to her, but instead of running right away, she allows him to believe that he is right. She pretends to be in love with him. And continues to take orders from him.

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Kissing a sociopath will not turn him into a prince.

Kilgrave discovers that Reva Connors has a thumb drive containing footage of the experiments he underwent as a child. He wants this information to remain a secret. He controls Reva to show him where she’s hidden it, and after Jessica uses her own super powers to punch through concrete to retrieve it, Kilgrave tells Jessica to kill Reva. Which she does by punching her so hard that she is thrown into the path of an oncoming bus. With her task complete, Jessica walks away. Kilgrave is freaked out by the fact that she won’t respond to him. He shouts after her, but she is no longer under his control. In an attempt to avoid hitting Reva, the bus driver swerves and ends up flipping the bus on its side. In the chaos, Kilgrave is distracted by Jessica’s disobedience and is hit and almost killed by the bus. Jessica is free.

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Not a giver.

Her freedom is an illusion. She is still a prisoner of her own fear. Kilgrave not only raped her body, he raped her mind. To deal with the memories and nightmares, she drinks. A lot. And even though everyone else believes Kilgrave is dead, she knows better. She expects him to show up at any minute and begin torturing her again. So she tries to remain under the radar, but always keeps an eye out for signs of his return.

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I’m pretty sure the devil wears nice suits, too.

She’s smart to do that, because he isn’t dead. Just badly injured. While he recovers he obsesses about Jessica even more. He decides that he’s going to convince her to come back to him and prove that he loves her. And if she refuses to return his affection, he’ll kill her. But not before threatening to kill and killing a bunch of other people. Seems legit. Well, it seems legit if you’re a mentally ill control freak hellbent on forcing someone to love you. But here’s the rub. He knows that his ability to control her isn’t working like it did before. So instead of controlling her, he comes up with an elaborate plan to control everyone else around her.

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Disapproving Sociopath disapproves of your lifestyle.

This is where things get interesting. Since he can control anyone in range of his voice, it is impossible to guess who is under his control. Jessica knows this too, which is why she’s a paranoid mess with trust issues to rival even Kilgrave’s. Some days it pays to be paranoid. Especially if you have a sociopathic stalker who thinks he’s you’re ex-boyfriend and continues to believe you loved it when he raped you.

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If you haven’t questioned why I chose to add Kilgrave to this list of fuckable fictional characters by now, then maybe you need a check up from the neck up. I mean, seriously, this guy is a monster. He uses mind control for his entertainment. Aside from Jessica, and a few of his other victims we meet, how many women has he raped or forced to commit unspeakable acts to stroke his enormous ego? And, he isn’t above killing people. Of course, he controls others to do his killing for him, but that just makes him more evil in my opinion.

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So, again, why is he on this list? Because he’s not only a scary villain with a fascinating backstory, but he really believes he’s in love with Jessica. And a sociopathic stalker with David Tennant’s face and personality is pretty sexy. The lengths he goes to to convince Jessica that his love for her is real and that she has real feelings for him beyond fear and hatred are mind-blowing. Creepy as Hell given the circumstances, but no less impressive.

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Denial is a river full of crazy motherfuckers.

He purchases her childhood home and completely reconstructs it to look like it did when she still lived there – furniture, wallpaper, knick-knacks, and even her personal items. A grand gesture to be sure, but nightmarish in its execution. He invites her to come live there with him. She agrees to stay and allows him to do nice things for her. Even though she doesn’t behave exactly the way he wants her to, he still doesn’t try to control her. He wants her affection to be genuine. So, while she plots how to kill him, they play house for a few days and antagonize each other with threats and criticisms delivered as playful banter.

If he weren’t such a dangerous sociopath, he would be quite a catch. He’s handsome. He has great taste in food, wine, clothing, and the finer things in life. He’s highly intelligent and creative when it comes to thinking up new ways to torment and manipulate people. He has a very dark sense of humor. He’s well organized and can multitask like a criminal mastermind. He likes to give expensive gifts to his lady friends. He’s a snappy dresser. And he has a British accent. Oh, and he’s a tortured soul who deals with his pain by lashing out at others.

Maybe real love would quiet his impulse to control people. Perhaps Jessica could be a positive influence on Kilgrave.

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And maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt.

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Many of the characters I’ve chosen for this series of blog posts, but especially this one, make me stop and think about whether it’s the character or the actor I like more. I mean I’m not completely clueless about this concept. Really horrible characters portrayed by sexy as fuck actors can create some conflicts of conscience. And when a sociopathic stalker has a lot of the same personality quirks as one of your favorite heroes, it is difficult to not see the good in that character.

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He even dresses like a Time Lord.

Love makes everyone crazy at times. A man in love is beautiful, and even if that love isn’t directed at you, you want him to be rewarded with the same affection he’s giving. But Kilgrave is complicated. He is in love. Whether that love is real or the product of his psychosis, he believes himself to be in love. And all of his efforts to prove his love are thwarted time and time again. Intellectually, I know he should be imprisoned with a bunch of horny rapists to experience what he’s done to Jessica and his other victims. If he were a real person I would have no trouble finding him guilty if I sat in the jury box. But because he is a well written fictional character with the benefit of a terrible and interesting backstory, I feel sympathy for him on some levels.

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Go ahead. Judge me. Like I’ve said before, I don’t have to justify why I feel this way or that about a fictional character. Do I want to meet and fall in love with a real sociopath who gets his kicks from raping women and torturing people? Of course not. Are there women out there who seek the affection of rapists and murderers who are serving life sentences in prison? Yes. I’m not one of them. But throw a complicated fictional villain with serious character flaws my way, and 9 out of 10 times, I’m attracted to them. Especially if they are emotionally damaged.

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Admit it. This scene gave you the feels.

But in all fairness, this particular villain looks and acts a lot like Doctor Who.

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And, his dark humor is an endless source of amusement.

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Seriously, listening to David Tennant curse is a real treat.

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I’ll say it again. Creepy is the new sexy.

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How the hell is she not waking up to make out with him?

And, his jealousy makes him a little vulnerable.

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You probably shouldn’t have chosen a giant, handsome fuck machine to do your bidding.

It also doesn’t hurt that he’s fucking adorable even when he’s planning to run away with your best friend and make her his sex slave.

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I love you, you fucking psycho!

If Marvel doesn’t want me to fall in love with their villains, they should probably stop casting them with super sexy, funny actors with British accents.

And apparently, I’m not the only crazy person who loves this maniac.

Bet you wish your name was Jessica right about now.