Bees in My Bonnet

Bees

It has been entirely too long since I wrote a blog post for Girl Meets Monster. As I sit here in my living room, staring at my Christmas tree (um, today is January 23), it dawns on me that I’m behind in a lot of things in my personal life and my life in general.

Have I been writing? Yes.

Have I been submitting? Yes.

Am I waiting on pins and needles for what will surely be two more rejections? Yes.

Okay, so not too bad, right? Sure, but as always, I think I should be doing more, producing more. And, I have been trying to do that. I mean, I’ve been writing something — blog posts, social media posts, letters, journal entries, and snippets of fiction here and there. All of that is great. It would be better if I could stay focused and finish a project…projects. Aside from my thesis novel that I’m been submitting and resubmitting, I have two unfinished novels, at least one novella, and a handful of short stories that I desperately want to wrap up. The problem is, I’m stuck. Stuck on what? I’m not entirely sure.

I have some theories about what the blockage might be. And, all of those theories relate to unresolved emotional baggage and deep-seated fears that stem from childhood and my early adulthood. Self-esteem can be a real bitch sometimes. Especially when you have lived your life believing that you have to work for people’s love and affection. When you have been the recipient of conditional love since day one, it’s kind of hard to break that pattern and that mental process affects every aspect of your life: romantic relationships, parenting, work, school, friendships, and creating your art. (More on that in a future post.)

While I’ve been working on getting unstuck, I’ve been thinking a lot about stuff and things. If you follow my social media, then you surely know that I am insanely obsessed with Jason Momoa right now. I don’t think I’ve reached nuthouse status yet, but I am fangirling all over myself and anyone else who will listen. I mean, to be fair, he’s abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous, funny, interesting, and talented. And, he’s healthy. In fact, he’s been a source of inspiration for me to take my own health seriously again. I’m not a giant man who is in line for roles like Aquaman, but I can push myself to be better each day. His fitness videos are not only entertaining, but awe-inspiring. I hope he knows that he’s a role model not just for his kids and fans of the DC Universe, but for people who want to live healthier lives and become the best version of themselves.

Aquaman

I’m pretty sure I mentioned this, but just in case I didn’t, he’s H. O. T.

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He has become the inspiration for one of my fictional characters and I can’t stop writing about this character. Perhaps, that is one of the reasons why I’m stuck and not moving forward. I’m having such a good time thinking about him and breathing life into this character that I can’t think about anything else. Nah. As much as I love Jason Momoa, I’ve been writing and thinking about other things, too.

Recently, I received a handwritten card from a friend that reminded me of the cards and letters I used to send to my friends and other pen pals I had when I was a teenager.

Card

I remembered coming across a pile of these old letters a few years ago when I helped my mom clean out her basement. I kept some of them but didn’t really spend time looking at them until last week. Holy shit. What a treasure trove. It was like opening a time capsule from the mid to late 80s and early 90s and finding only the weirdest rants about being young and goth.

Letters

I used to have the pen name Antique, and weird goth and punk kids from all over the US and a few from the UK, would write me letters about how they wanted to become vampires too. They sent me photos, poetry, fanzines, mix tapes, and told me about how fucking boring or terrible their lives were. I was actually kind of shocked to read some of the letters and see just how candid people were with me. I wish I had some of the letters I wrote to other people, because that would make an interesting comparison between how much I shared and how much people bared their souls to me. I’m usually pretty open and forthcoming with people, especially in my writing, so I must have given these folks a reason to trust me with some of the personal things they were sharing with me.

One of my pen pals, Carl Velazquez, wrote to me on a pretty regular basis. Carl was roughly 10 years older than me, thought he was a real vampire, and wanted to engage in a romantic relationship with me when I was 15. I met him in person a total of three times. I went to visit him in New York where he lived when I was still in high school, he came to visit me here in Carlisle and stayed at a local dive motel for a few days. My friends and I hung out with him in the motel room — I was never alone with him — and he was basically bored out of his mind. The third and final time I saw him was during my junior year of college. I took an exchange student from the UK with me to New York to visit my friend Don and on that trip we went to Wig Stock, saw a showing of Female Trouble, and saw Lypsinka perform at the Ballroom. Carl joined us for Lypsinka and I think we grabbed a bite to eat at Stingy Lulu’s. I heard from Carl after that, but I never saw him again. And then one day, I didn’t hear from him anymore.

Carl

Carl was one of the first people to introduce me to erotic fiction and encouraged me to write about vampires. I loved vampires long before I met Carl, but he pushed me to explore darker and more sexual aspects of the creatures. His influence was so great, that I named my vampire antagonist after him in my first novel. You know, the one I keep submitting? Anyway, I found some of Carl’s letters that contained scandalous snippets of erotic fiction involving vampire personas we invented for ourselves. That’s right, my stalker sent me pornographic letters about what he’d like to do with me if he ever had the chance to get me alone. Is that vampiric enough for you?

And, speaking of vampires…which is something I do often, and speaking of unfinished writing projects, I’m also trying to write an abstract to submit in the hopes of getting picked to attend an academic conference in Transylvania dedicated to vampires. Again, I’m stuck. I have all these ideas zooming around in my head, but condensing them into an abstract feels nearly fucking impossible. I still have a little time, and I have like…I dunno…at least 10 possible titles dealing with the concept of female characters’ acceptance of violence in vampire romances. It’s kind of a thing. If you read paranormal romance featuring vampires, something I do a lot…NO, like A LOT…then you’ll know what I’m talking about. There’s this weird phenomenon of female characters, especially in YA Paranormal Romance, allowing their vampire boyfriends to expose them to so much violence that it’s practically a cliche. And, they not only allow themselves to be perpetually placed in danger, but forgive their boyfriends, whom they almost invariably marry, for their violent behavior. While I find this fiction entertaining, I can’t help wonder just how dangerous that message is to teenage girls and young women.

Anyway, those are just a few of the things I’ve been thinking about. Some of the things I’ve been thinking about a little more deeply will soon become blog posts. And, some of you who have followed my blog in the past may be delighted to know that I will be bringing back my Fuckable Fictional Characters series in February. At least one of those posts will feature Jason Momoa. Okay, probably more like three…or four.

Happy New Year!

Fuckable Fictional Characters: Gomez Addams

When I was a little girl, I figured out pretty quickly that my family, while they looked like normal people, weren’t like everyone else. I spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ house growing up. My mom was a single parent, and when I was born we lived with her folks. Mom worked full-time, so I spent most of my days with my grandmother. She was a traditional housewife right out of the 1950’s. She cooked, cleaned, baked, sewed, knitted, attended local township meetings, and in the afternoons before she had to start dinner, we watched soap operas. When her soaps were over and it was time to make dinner, the TV stayed on and I got an education in the popular culture of the ‘50’s, ‘60’s, and ‘70’s. Some of my favorite shows included Batman (with Adam West), Dark Shadows, Doctor Who, Star Blazers, The Electric Company, The Munsters, and The Addams Family.

The Munsters were funny, and I absolutely loved Lily. But she was no Morticia Addams. The Addams Family was funny, but much darker than The Munsters. I knew that Lily and Herman were happily married, because without the monster make-up they were just like every other family on an American sitcom. And that meant they were happy. Right? Happy or not, Morticia and her husband, Gomez were happy in a way I’d never seen a couple before. They were married, but they acted like people who were having an affair with each other. They were always touching, kissing, dancing, and making references to what they’d like to do to each other when they were alone. Even as a kid, I knew their relationship was WAY more exciting than Lily and Herman’s. I didn’t always grasp the double entendre, but I knew that Morticia and Gomez were totally hot for each other. They had the kind of relationship that made other couples jealous, and I wanted what they had.

February 17: Gomez Addams

John-Aston

Gomez Addams is the patriarch of the Addams Family. He is married to Morticia Addams, the Rosetta Stone of female Goth fashion, and to the best of my knowledge, the first woman in an American sitcom to make references to BDSM. She’s a trailblazer of sex-positive feminism, and the love of Gomez’s life. So first and foremost, he has excellent taste in women.

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Role models for healthy sexual relationships.

When Charles Addams created the Addams Family, none of the characters had names, but you got the sense that they were a family. So, when the black comedy cartoon from The New Yorker was adapted for television in 1964, John Astin worked closely with Charles Addams to develop the character for the series. Since Addams hadn’t given the pudgy little man in the pin-striped suit a name, he gave the show creators the choice between Repelli or Gomez. Astin chose Gomez, making him Castilian, and infused Addams’ creation with his own vibrant personality.

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Once again, creepy is the new sexy.

What do we know about Gomez? Well, he’s extremely wealthy. He acquired most of his money through inheritance and investments. His investments are what most sensible people would consider risky or just plain weird. For instance, he owns swamp, which he purchased for its “scenic value”, and his businesses that can be found around the globe include a crocodile farm, a tombstone factory, a salt mine, and a uranium mine. Although he is trained as an attorney, he rarely works, and takes pride in being voted “least likely to succeed” by his graduating class from law school. Despite his risky investments and lack of interest in a vocation, he was ranked #12 on the 2007 Forbes “Fictional 15” list of the richest fictional characters. According to Forbes, he was worth $2 billion.

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He isn’t what you would call traditionally handsome. He’s kind of a weirdo. Okay, more than kind of. But his unusual appearance coupled with his unique sartorial flair make him worth a second glance. And, while John Astin was my first Gomez, Raúl Juliá was quite fetching in the role, too.

Handsome-Gomez

His accent makes Gomez even sexier.

But it’s his list of arcane and sideshow-like hobbies that add up to make him an intriguing man of impressive and strange accomplishments. He’s athletic and acrobatic, performing seemingly impossible flips, dives, and leaps. Like a cat, he almost always lands on his feet. He an excellent dancer and never passes up a chance to spin Morticia around the floor.

A collector of rare antique objects, he has a small arsenal in the house that includes knives, swords, canons, muskets, armor, and other historical weapons. The only other collection in the house that rivals his armory is Morticia’s collection of medieval torture devices.

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In addition to his antique collecting, he’s a juggler, a knife thrower, and a toy train enthusiast.

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But all of these hobbies are simply ways to pass the time when he isn’t showering Morticia with affection. She is his greatest passion.

Gomez and Morticia have a healthy romantic relationship that never seems to grow stale even though they’ve been married a long time. Yes, they both have their own weird hobbies that keep them occupied, but the hobbies they share in common are the ones that keep their sex life fresh.

When I was a kid I knew I was attracted to Gomez, but I wasn’t entirely sure why. Now that I’m an adult I totally get it.

Thing

Seriously? No one tried to censor this dick joke back in the ’60’s?

Aside from Gomez’s thing, he also has an open mind about pleasing his wife and often allows her to take charge of the sex play.

Torture

Their bedroom is totally a dungeon. How is no one putting a stop to this?

Who can blame him? Morticia is a woman who knows what she wants. And he is more than happy to please her.

Morticia

And, Gomez is always willing to help out with the kids.

Gomez-Wednesday

Fuck tea parties! Let’s play bury the dead.

There is no doubt that he loves his wife. In fact if they weren’t a couple, he would most likely be her stalker. But how could she ever resist such devotion and adoration.

Gomez Addams is a man of wealth, culture, style, and an expert on how to get away with murder. He has a dark sense of humor and a taste for the perverse. But above all, he is a man of passion and romance. Especially if there’s a safe word.

Woo-Her-Crop

When this man was made, they broke the mold.

Fuckable Fictional Characters: Spike

I love fiction. I read a lot. I watch a lot of TV and movies. And I write fiction. Something you may have noticed about these posts (or derived from the title of my blog) is that I tend to like monsters. They make interesting characters, and often allow us to fantasize about the darker aspects of humanity. They can do things society cautions us against. Sometimes these warnings are given for very good reasons. Killing people and eating them is a big no-no. Technically, having sex with a vampire makes you a necrophiliac. Dating a werewolf is akin to staying in an abusive relationship, because you never really know if you’re going to get mauled on the next full moon. Fantasy is one thing. Reality is another. A few days ago a friend mentioned that one of the characters I chose was a dick. I agreed. But we both came to the conclusion that just because you want to have sex with someone, that doesn’t make them an appropriate partner long-term. And, since I’m writing about fictional characters, you have to take all of this with a grain of salt. I’m writing about these characters not only because they are totally fuckable, but also because they’re interesting and make for good fiction.

Today we return to the Buffyverse, because my favorite monsters of all time are vampires. Call me a necrophiliac if you must, but you have to admit I have great taste in vampires. My first post in this series was about Damon Salvatore, who is one of the sexiest TV vampires ever. Before I laid eyes on Damon, I had the hots for John Mitchell. And long before Mitchell, there was Spike.

February 11: Spike (William the Bloody)

B and W

Until Spike made his first appearance on screen in the second season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in “School Hard,” my heart only belonged to Rupert Giles, Buffy’s Watcher. But when a vampire who looked a little like Billy Idol showed up in Sunnydale speaking in a very sexy British accent, my heart split in two. Dressed in black leather with bleach blond hair, and sporting an attitude to rival all attitudes, Spike, or William the Bloody, quickly became one of Buffy’s most challenging foes.

First

Billy Idol stole his look from Spike.

A notorious vampire known by the Watchers Council for killing not only countless humans, but also two slayers, Spike arrives in Sunnydale with his long-time companion, Drusilla.

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Love you to death.

Spike and Drusilla met in Victorian London on one of William’s worst nights as a human. Emotionally distressed, he storms away from a party held by the woman he is infatuated with after she rejects and publicly humiliates him. After meeting Dru, it was also his last night as a human. She immediately takes a liking to him, and perhaps she saw their future together in one of her visions, because rather than draining him of blood and leaving him to die in a dark alley, she chooses to make him a vampire. And so began one of the great and monstrous love stories of all time.

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Drusilla is traveling with two other vampires, Angelus, her maker, and Darla, Angelus’ maker. The three blood-thirsty vampires have been traveling around Europe feeding, killing and presumably, fucking. At least Angelus and Darla, but there is some indication that Angelus had a sexual relationship with Drusilla as well. Darla and Angelus are angry with Drusilla for turning Spike without their consent, but once he proves himself to be impressively violent, and kills a slayer during the Boxer Rebellion in China, he becomes a valued member of the nest.

The vampires disband when Angelus gets his soul back (long story, Gypsy curse, has relevance later in the plot), and Drusilla and Spike continue their love affair and encourage each other to new heights of evil. One of the reasons Angelus made Drusilla a vampire is the fact that she is clairvoyant. She has visions, and sometimes the things she dreams come true. When Drusilla was human, her Puritan family condemned her supernatural talent and forced her to subdue it unless she wished to be accused of witchcraft. Prior to making Dru a vampire, Angelus drove her insane by making her do things that went against her religious upbringing, and then had her participate in the death of her parents.

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She totally fucked both of them. Oh wait, so did Buffy.

Spike and Drusilla come to Sunnydale looking to join up with a group of vampires who are preparing for an end of the world prophecy. Spike isn’t one for following rules or obeying an authority figure. Once he learns there’s a slayer in town, he becomes obsessed with adding her to his kill list. He’s hoping she’ll become number three. Spike ends up sabotaging the prophecy and becomes the next Big Bad in Sunnydale. Until Angel loses his soul and comes up with another end of the world project. Again, Spike steps up to save the world. Even if it is for selfish reasons.

Happy-Meals

He joins forces with Buffy to assist in stopping Angelus. This is the beginning of a partnership that develops into what Spike believes is the actual love of his life. But before that happens, their love to hate each other relationship blossoms as they continually try to kill each other and hilarity ensues.

After Buffy defeats Angelus with the help of Spike, Spike takes Drusilla, and leaves Sunnydale. While they’re gone, they have a falling out and break up. Spike is crushed and returns to Sunnydale looking for a distraction and to resume his plan to kill Buffy. He is emotionally unstable and seems lost without Drusilla.

Torture

A man with a plan.

Spike becomes an integral part of Buffy’s life long before they begin their secret sexual relationship after she comes back from the dead. Again. He has encounters with all of the important people in Buffy’s life. He spends time with Joyce.

He visits Willow at college.

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Crashes at Xander’s.

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Spends quality time with Giles.

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Seriously, the time he spends hiding out at Giles’ house is hilarious.

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How badly do you want to hold that mug right now?

And, he builds a very tight bond with Buffy’s sister, Dawn.

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Real vampires enjoy terrifying young girls.

But my favorite parts are when Spike provides wisdom on a subject that no one else has the insight to recognize, or wishes to remain in denial about instead of facing their true feelings.

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Couples counseling. One of the many services Spike provides.

Spike knows who he is and isn’t afraid to speak his mind and be honest with people. Well, at least when he hasn’t been altered by a forgetfulness spell. Okay, maybe even then.

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Doesn’t remember his own name, but still knows to mock Giles.

One of the things that makes Spike so endearing is his wonderfully sarcastic wit, and his ability to bring levity to almost any situation.

But the reason I love Spike so much is the fact the he, more than anyone else she knows, can recognize Buffy’s pain and help her find the strength the face her own demons.

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All kidding aside, these words have pulled me out of darkness on more than one occasion.

And, of course, some of the best episodes deal with Spike and Buffy’s relationship and how it changes both of them. Spike mourns Buffy’s death. So much so that he counted the days she was gone.

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This is also when he realizes she had to claw her way out of her own coffin, and his heart breaks for her.

Buffy feels betrayed by her friends even though they were trying to do a good thing, but she really wishes they would have left her stay dead. Spike seems to be the only one who understands what she’s going through.

Monster

To cope with her confused feelings, she decides to confuse them even more by engaging in a sexual relationship with Spike. A relationship she can’t tell her friends about. She likes the way he makes her feel, but is ashamed and believes herself to be a bad person.

Bad decisions lead to more emotional turmoil for Spike as he continues his romantic losing streak. Sure, Spike’s great when you want to party and get your brains fucked out, but apparently he isn’t boyfriend material.

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Buffy likes to play the blame game.

Unfortunately, Spike really loves her.

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Seriously, Buffy is an idiot.

Maybe they can’t have a happily ever after, but when you meet someone who looks like this, you should totally strive for happy for now.

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