10 Things That Made Me Happy While Taking the #100HappyDays Challenge

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Back on January 23 I started a #100HappyDays Challenge. The homepage of the site asks you, “Can you be happy for 100 days in a row?” I believe most rational people would probably say no. And, if like me, you suffer from chronic depression you’d be even more skeptical.

The second question the site asks you is, “You don’t have time for this, right?” Again, most of us would agree that we don’t have time to make an effort to be happy every single day for 100 days. But is that true? Why don’t we have time? Is it because we don’t believe we’re worth the effort? Or is it because we don’t believe that you can find happiness that easily? Or maybe, and I know this sounds a little crazy, we don’t really understand a) what makes us happy, b) what happiness really looks and feels like, or c) how to begin to find happiness in our everyday lives.

The challenge itself is simple. Each day, for 100 days, you simply take a picture of something or someone who made you happy and then follow the steps on the site.

So first you register in the challenge >here<, then choose your favorite platform for submitting pictures. Here you can decide yourself on the privacy of your participation & happy moments:

  • Share your picture via Facebook, twitter or Instagram with a public hashtag #100happydays;
  • Come up with your own hashtag to share your pictures with to limit publicity. (Don’t forget to tell us how to find your pictures though)
  • Simply send your pictures to myhappyday (at) 100happydays.com to avoid any publicity.

The 100happydays.com site claims that “71% of people tried to complete this challenge, but failed quoting lack of time as the main reason.” Studies have shown that most people are not just busy, but overwhelmed with responsibility – work, housework, school, family, and other social obligations – that keep them running nonstop and afford little time for anything else. People typically don’t make time to take care of themselves, or just check in to see how happy they are with the life they are living.

Believe me, I get it. I’m a divorced single parent who works full-time. I’m a part-time writer trying to become a full-time writer, which means I write fiction in the hopes of being published and farm myself out for freelance projects because my day job doesn’t pay enough. I’m not currently dating, but I have a fairly active social life. I rent, so I don’t have a lot of home repairs to tend to, but there’s still housework, errands, cooking, and child rearing. To be honest, housework doesn’t get done very often, but we always have clean laundry and dishes, and my son never misses a meal. My son is involved in activities outside the house, and he has behavioral/emotional issues that we manage through therapy and other strategies. I’m not going to win any awards for my parenting skills. However, I make a point of showing up and being present when my energy and own mental health issues are balanced. I’m actively seeking employment, because I’m not sure if I’ll be able to stay in my current job after June. So, yeah, I’m busy. Like mind-numbingly, soul-crushingly busy some days. Depression has been an ongoing issue for me since I was a kid. I was diagnosed in my teens and have sought the support of therapists and medication on and off throughout my adult life. I’m not just busy. Some days are harder than others. Some days I have #zerofuckstogive. Some days I consider it a win if I get out of bed, get dressed, and make it to work.

Despite all the challenges I face day-to-day, I managed to find something to be relatively happy about for almost every single day of the 100-day challenge. I chose to post my pictures, thoughts and reflections on social media – Facebook and Instagram. Each day, beginning on January 23 and ending on May 2, I posted a photo, a meme, or simply an observation about that day and what brought me joy.

100happydays.com also asks the question, “Why would I do that?” Good question. I’m sure lots of people would ask that question. Well, here are some answers.

People successfully completing the challenge claimed to:

  • Start noticing what makes them happy every day;
  • Be in a better mood every day;
  • Start receiving more compliments from other people;
  • Realize how lucky they are to have the life they have;
  • Become more optimistic;
  • Fall in love during the challenge.

Need help figuring out what makes you happy? Here are the top 10 things that brought me happiness during my #100happydays challenge (in no particular order). Perhaps, you’ll recognize some of the things that make you smile too.

  1. Booze. Let’s face it, adult beverages are delicious and when they are drunk responsibly, they can have amazingly curative properties. When I was younger, I was hell-bent on self-medicating. I drank too much and too often. I also was careless about mixing drugs with alcohol, and usually in questionable company. That’s a story for another day. At this point in my life, I don’t drink very often. I keep some booze at home, typically bourbon, which is my favorite liquor. Occasionally, I’ll drink rum. Booze appeared in my social media feeds on Day 1 of the challenge. It was a rough day. And, booze played a role in bringing me happiness 4 out the 100 days, 5 if you count the codeine cough syrup I drank when I was sick. Fun fact: Because of my love of bourbon and booze in general, I gained roughly 20 new followers on Instagram who are either bars with specialty cocktails, bourbon aficionados, and distillers of small-batch spirits. So, I guess you could say that booze has the ability to make me popular and interesting.
  1. Coffee & Tea. I don’t know about you, but caffeine is 90% responsible for keeping me conscious most days. It’s no secret how much I love coffee, but I also enjoy drinking tea. Coffee and tea have been staples in my life since childhood. I grew up in rural Pennsylvania in the 70s and 80s, and my grandmother didn’t see a problem with putting iced tea in my bottle when I was a baby. I drank my first cup of coffee when I was five. But don’t worry, she cut the bitterness by adding a tooth-decaying amount of sugar to it. Essentially, my grandmother was my first drug dealer. She hated alcohol. Most likely because her father and one of her brothers were alcoholics. People who drank alcohol pissed her off, but she was the poster child for coffee, sugar, and cigarettes. When I was a poor college student and couldn’t afford to maintain my cigarette habit (I smoked between the ages of 14 and 35), my grandmother would either give me money or buy my cigarettes for me. By the carton. In fact, when I was a junior, studying abroad in England for a year, her biggest concern, aside from my safety, was that cigarettes were so much more expensive there. She sent me care packages on a regular basis, and I could always count on finding at least one carton of Camel Lights in the box of goodies. In a related story, after my first week of living in England, I discovered that I was getting headaches almost every day and was feeling lethargic even though I was drinking between 6 – 10 cups of tea a day. Eventually, I realized that I was suffering from dehydration. Basically, I lived on tea, beer and cider, scones with clotted cream, packets of cheese and onion crisps, and Camel Lights. Once I figured out what was wrong with me, I kept a plastic cup near my sink and I would drink 2 – 3 cups of water before going to bed and upon waking. By the way, I had purchased the cup with Camel Cash, and the cup featured an image of Joe the Camel wearing a leather biker jacket, circa early 90s.
  1. Food. I love food. I love to cook it. I love to eat. I see food as something beyond a means of nourishing my body. Food conjures memories of childhood. Food comforts me. Sharing a meal with family and friends is one of my favorite ways to interact and be social. Learning a new recipe is akin to learning a new spell. Food is a perfect marriage between magic and science. Cooking allows me to express myself, get creative, and heal myself through healthy foods. During the #100happydays challenge, food appeared in my social media feeds 34 days out of 100. Foods that appeared the most were fruit salad and tacos. A lot of the foods were healthy and involved my crockpot and meal prep that allowed me to cook once and eat for several days in a row. Some of my most popular posts dealt with food and the recipes I featured, and these posts got some of the most comments, including requests for recipes. Food is the glue of cultural and social interaction. The healthier I eat, the happier I am.
  1. Friends & Family. I have a small family. For the most part it’s just my mom, my son and me. I also have aunts, uncles, and cousins. For the most part, I am close with my cousins. We’re all around the same age, grew up in the same generation with access to the same elements of popular culture. I saw my cousins during the summer at family picnics most of the time when I was a kid, and now I make time to see them when I can. I spend a lot of time with my cousin Tara. I think of her as a best friend and sister, not just a cousin. She’s 1 of 4 kids and I’m an only child. Her sister and I are the same age and get along well too, but we don’t hang out as often as I’d like. Tara and I have similar tastes in music, movies, television shows, art, food, and enjoy mean jokes at the expense of others. She’s a talented artist, a supportive and loving person, and she can always make me laugh or think more clearly about something happening in my life. I will happily tell you that I am blessed with an amazingly diverse and interesting collection of friends and acquaintances. One of my best friends, Pat, has been my friend since we were 14 or 15 years old. He has an uncanny ability to zero-in on what is at the source of the negative feelings I might be feeling about any given situation. Sometimes it’s spooky how well he knows me, but I don’t know what I would do without his friendship. His ability to make me laugh never ceases to amaze me and he is always brutally honest with me when I find myself in crappy situations. He’s usually the first to tell me that I can a) overcome the problem, and b) if I look at a situation a little differently and take full responsibility for my own actions, 9 times out of 10, things will be just fine. I have other amazing friends, like Sarah and Isabelle who have been in my life as long as Pat has, and I have newer friends, like Stephanie who I feel like I’ve known just as long. And, I can’t forget my friend Danielle. She always has a way of making sure I’m taken care of, even if it’s just getting together to talk over dinner. Friends and social occasions really make a difference in my life. Typically, I prefer one-on-one interactions or small gatherings, but every now and then I attend larger events. I have a touch of social anxiety, so that’s where my good friend Booze comes in to play again. Out of 100 days, 31 of my posts were about friends and family.
  1. Film & Television. I’m obsessed with popular culture and have long-loved the escapism of watching movies and TV shows. My preferences for genre tend to be Fantasy, Horror, Science Fiction, Black Comedies, Historical Dramas, Mysteries, and Romance, but usually the Paranormal variety. I love vampires, werewolves, demons, ghosts, and other things that go bump in the night. And, I love superheroes. Marvel’s film franchise has provided me with hours and hours of happiness. And, I’ve been known to fall in love with fictional characters. Here’s a short list: Loki, Magneto, Wolverine, Captain America, John Constantine, Elijah Mikaelson, Hannibal Lecter, Francis Dolarhyde, Damon Salvatore, Simon Bellamy, Lucifer, Preacher, Lawrence Talbot, Rupert Giles, Spock, John Mitchell, Captain Ross Poldark, Spike, Doctor Who…well, you get the idea. In fact, if you’ve read my blog before, you’re familiar with my obsessions and may even share some of them. 12 of 100 posts referred to films or TV.
  1. Books. Reading is important to me. I don’t remember a time in my life when books were not available to me. Bookshelves filled with books, trips to the library and used books stores, talking about new books that a favorite writer had written – these were all common occurrences in my childhood. Before I could read, family members and teachers read to me. Once I could read on my own, I read as many books as I could get my hands on. Stories bring a certain richness to my life that I often can’t find anywhere else. My love of stories, books and words led me to become an English major in college. Why? Because I love to read and write (I’ll get to that shortly). I’ll read just about anything, but like my preferences in film and television, my taste in genre and to a certain extent literary fiction, are the speculative genres – Horror, Fantasy, and Science Fiction. I also enjoy nonfiction. Over the past few months, I have been consuming Roxane Gay’s books, An Untamed State, Difficult Women, and Bad Feminist. Her writing speaks to me in so many unexpected ways. Not only does she show me the different parts of myself that would normally seem disconnected, but she also shows me how they relate to each other to make me a whole and complicated person. And, more importantly, she makes me want to be a better writer. Books appeared in at least 12 of my posts.
  1. Writing. Writing has been a part of my life almost as long as reading. Narratives have always been an important part of my life. Whether I was watching a Hitchcock film or favorite Western with my grandfather, an epic Romance or Soap Opera with my grandmother, “Creature Double Feature” or “Dark Shadows” with my mother, “King Fu Theater” or “The Prisoner” with my father, or enjoying the ridiculous premises you’d find in 80s music videos, and later an obsession with foreign language films, I consumed a lot of narratives in and out of books growing up. Stephen King’s books lined the bookshelves in almost every house in my immediate family. A year or so ago, my aunt bequeathed her Stephen King collection to me. I hadn’t read a lot of his books, but I had seen film adaptations of them. In the last few years, I took the time to read Carrie, The Shining, The Gunslinger, Misery, Salem’s Lot, and I just finished listening to Doctor Sleep as an audio book in my car. I tried reading IT at one point, but I couldn’t get past the clown. It’s weird. I can watch the film starring Tim Curry and I can’t wait to see the remake with Bill Skarsgård, but the book scares the shit out of me. One day, I will read that book cover to cover. Today is not that day. As much as I love Stephen King’s fiction, my favorite Stephen King book is On Writing. It is the only craft book that ever brought me to tears. I have two copies. A copy I bought to read while earning my MFA in Writing Popular Fiction from Seton Hill University, and the copy I found on my dad’s bookshelves after he died. My dad was a writer. He wrote a lot, but never finished writing his novel. I finished writing my first novel after his death in 2015. I’ve since started writing 2 more novels, and I’ve been writing poetry and short fiction since I was 12. I’ve only had one short story published, but I will have more of my work published, damn it. I owe that much to my dad. And, I can’t talk about writing without talking about Anne Rice. She is probably one of the biggest influences on my writing, and I must give her at least partial credit for why I write about vampires. Her novels gave vocabulary to some of the things I thought and felt as a teenager, and her vampires made me feel more alive than any characters I’d find in the fiction geared toward teenagers at the time. Thanks for all the good books, Anne. Your work gave me the courage to write about taboo subjects in a way that allowed me to talk about the beauty I found in them.
  1. Self-Care. Technically, participating in the #100happydays challenge is an act of self-care itself. Taking the time to pay attention and make note of the things that make you happy really is an enlightening exercise. In doing so, I found myself seeking out more ways to care for myself. I ate healthier foods. I spent more time in the company of people I love. I tried to develop better habits, like exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and scheduling downtime so that I could do the things that recharge me and fill my brain with creative ideas. Don’t want to take my word for it? Try the #100happydays challenge for yourself and see what I mean. Self-care and self-love are not selfish acts. Doing nice things for yourself, taking care of yourself, enables us to care for the other people in our lives without killing ourselves to do so.
  1. Art. I’ve talked about several art forms/crafts in this post, namely writing and visual media. I’d also include culinary arts in that list. However, I also like to go to museums and galleries to check out the work of mixed media artists – painters, sculptors, ceramicists, collage makers, and several other mediums. During my 100-day challenge, I visited two galleries, CALC in Carlisle, PA, where my son had a drawing in one of the local student art shows, and Metropolis Collective in Mechanicsburg, PA, as well as The Mütter Museum in Philadelphia. In each art space, I got to see some wonderfully beautiful, disturbing, and thought-provoking art. I need to go to more museums, and I need to create more of my own art. Perhaps there are projects I can work on with my son this summer to get us both creating and spending more quality time together.
  1. Michael Fassbender. Laugh if you must, but Michael Fassbender’s work as an actor brings me happiness on a regular basis. I had enjoyed his work in films prior to last summer when I went to see X-men: Apocalypse, but for some reason, his portrayal of Magneto in that film struck a chord with me that caused me to not only revisit X-men: First Class and X-men: Days of Future Past, but I also rewatched Inglourious Bastards, and then began making my way through his entire body of work. I’m particularly fond of Shame, 12 Years a Slave, A Dangerous Method, Jane Eyre, Jonah Hex, Macbeth, Prometheus, Slow West, and I loved him in the TV show “Hex”. His characters make me laugh, cry, think, feel shame, and I’m not going to lie, ignite my desire. He is a beautiful and talented man. Eventually, I will see all his film and television performances. His Magneto breaks my heart, and makes me question right and wrong. After watching 12 Years a Slave, I went through a period of deep meditation and self-reflection based on my confused feelings of repulsion and attraction for his character, Edwin Epps. His Carl Jung left me feeling sexually frustrated, and his Rochester made me realize how many toxic relationships I have been in and examine why I keep returning to those doomed relationships. He is a master of his craft, not just a handsome face.

This was not my first #100happydays challenge rodeo, so I can attest to the fact that most of the claims made by the folks at 100happydays.com are true. Are they true every single day of the challenge? No. I don’t think anyone is happy every single day of their life. However, I will say that by taking the time to notice the things that do make me happy, I have a better understanding of my own happiness (or lack of happiness). I understand that happiness is a choice, and we are responsible for creating it for ourselves. And, like me, you might be surprised to find that happiness is all around us. All we need to do is take inventory and remind ourselves that happiness is not completely out of reach. In fact, it may be closer than you think.

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Fuckable Fictional Characters: Magneto

Over the weekend I went to see X-men: Apocalypse. I enjoyed the movie. In fact, as I usually do when watching Marvel movies, I experienced some catharsis. Marvel’s heroes and villains have always had a powerful effect on my psyche, and more often than not, when I see a movie featuring these amazing characters I cry. Laugh if you need to, but Marvel characters tend to experience some heavy-duty tragedy in their fictional lives, which makes them interesting, believable, and deserving of our empathy. Like regular old people such as you and me, they react to this tragedy in a multitude of ways. Some of them channel those negative feelings into helping others, while some take their pain and channel it into seeking revenge.

I don’t condone the choice to take revenge for the pain and suffering that people (fictitious or real) have experienced in their lives, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the desire to do so. Revenge always seems like it’s going to be satisfying and it tempts us into believing that making our enemies pay for the hurt they’ve caused will somehow heal us. Unfortunately, for most people, revenge only causes more pain and turns people into the villains they hate so much.

A Heartbreaking Villain: Magneto

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Erik Lehnsherr is a tragic character. His story line is riddled with black moments. Born Jewish in Germany, he survived the Holocaust, but his family didn’t. In the comics, we are told that he not only survived, but also was later made to work in the death camp at Auschwitz to remove the dead bodies of his fellow Jews who were murdered in the gas chambers. The Nazis persecuted him for being a Jew, and then because of his mutant ability, he was hunted and threatened by people who feared him, which put other people he loved in danger. His daughter Anya died at the hands of an angry mob after people witnessed his mutant power. His wife, pregnant with twins, left him because she was devastated by the loss of their daughter and frightened by his power. To say that Erik is emotionally damaged by the terrible things that happened to him and his loved ones would be an understatement.

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When I was first introduced to Magneto as a kid, I didn’t understand why he was viewed as a villain. In fact, Stan Lee has been quoted to say that he never intended for Magneto to be seen as a villain. Inspired by the leaders of the Civil Rights movement, he envisioned Magneto as the Malcolm X to Professor X’s Martin Luther King Jr. – two men fighting for the same cause, but with different ideologies. Each man wishes to protect mutants from persecution and violence, but Magneto prefers to be proactive and confront the enemies of mutantkind BEFORE they can hurt his brothers and sisters. Charles Xavier has chosen to walk a more peaceful path, and never gives up hope that mutants and humans can live peacefully together. However, he also understands that the path he’s chosen is dangerous and trains his students so that they are ready to fight when the war against mutants ends up on their doorstep. He’s hopeful, but not an idiot.

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Our tax dollars at work.

The common struggle that initially unites these two men is compromised by their opposing views on how to deal with the threat of humanity. Magneto has witnessed the evil of humankind time and time again. His trust for humans will only extend so far, because he is always waiting for them to disappoint him. If we were to diagnose Erik with a psychological disorder, I think it would be safe to say that he suffers from PTSD after the atrocities he witnessed in Nazi Germany, which has contributed to his trust issues and difficulty maintaining relationships, romantic or otherwise. Intimacy can be a real challenge when you ultimately trust no one.

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They need more on-screen smooch time.

Because, even the people Erik has loved and attempted to trust have either abandoned him, or given him a reason to turn on them. Or his paranoia leads him to betray them before they can betray him. His agenda, to punish those who threaten him and his mutant brethren, has destroyed more relationships than healed them. His pursuit of revenge alienates him from friends and family, potentially making him one of the loneliest villains in the Marvel universe.

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What? That there should be scenes of both of you naked? That’s totally what I was thinking.

There’s a lot of ground to cover with Magneto seeing as how he appeared in the first X-men comic in 1963. Since there’s so much material to pull from, I’m going to cheat a little and only focus on the films that he’s appeared in. Yes, I’m fully aware that these films deviate from the original storylines that appeared in the comics, but since amazing actors have portrayed him on screen, I’m going to focus on them for the purposes of this blog post. I’m sticking to the films mainly because while Magneto has always been an inspiring character in print, it’s Michael Fassbender’s portrayal of him that stirs my heart (and loins) the most.

Magneto, played by Ian McKellen, first appeared on film in X-men (2000). McKellen did an amazing job of conveying the complexity of the character, as well as his cleverness, his power, his skills at manipulation, and his single-minded determination to stop all threats to mutant life. No matter what. McKellen reprised the role several times, including his appearance in X-men: Days of Future Past in which he plays the older Magneto and Michael Fassbender the younger Magneto.

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The sassier side of Magneto.

When we were given an in-depth peek into Magneto’s origin story in X-men: First Class (2011), Michael Fassbender had the unique opportunity to convey the raw emotional turmoil and rage-inspired violence that labeled this misunderstood character a villain. Not to mention the fact that he also brought Magneto to a level of sexiness that pairs well with James McAvoy’s equally sexy Charles Xavier. Maybe it’s the costuming from the 1960’s that reminded me of some of my favorite spies played by gorgeous British actors, or maybe it’s just the fact that Michael Fassbender is simply one of the sexiest men alive. At any rate, I have no complaints about the casting.

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Speaking of fantastic casting choices, when I saw X-men: Days of Future Past, my head nearly exploded when Evan Peters took on the role of Quicksilver, Magneto’s son. He was amazing, and his scenes were by far some of my favorites in both Days of Future Past and Apocalypse. Evan Peters stole my heart in the American Horror Story series, and he’s definitely on that list of actors who portray monsters in such a way to make me lust after them. I’m not one of those women who considers marrying serial killers on death row, but I do fantasize about fictional characters who commit similar acts of horror.

I think anyone would find it difficult to argue against Magneto’s complexity, or the fact that he is a damaged soul. And, even though he makes a lot of terrible decisions, I often find myself cheering him on. Humans do terrible things to each other, but those horrific acts become even worse when targeted at people who don’t look like them or share their cultural beliefs. You’d have to be an idiot not to grasp that the battle between humans and mutants is an allegory for racism. The fact that Erik is a Jew who survived the Holocaust allows me to overlook some of his methods for dealing with his enemies.

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In fact, I applauded his mission to track down and kill former Nazis who associated with the man who exploited his power and turned him into a monster. However, his belief that mutants are superior to humans sounds an awful lot like the ideology of the Nazis. That’s not a coincidence. Ironic, yes. Coincidence, no. It’s one of the personality quirks that make him such an interesting character. His psyche was so damaged by his tormentors that he uses their ideas and methods to smite his enemies.

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A friend of mine who also saw X-men: Apocalypse over the weekend was unable to accept Magneto’s actions in the film as redeemable. He’s right. A lot of people died because of his choices and the actions of the people he teamed up with to essentially destroy the world. Again, we were reminded that his pain and rage are his two biggest motivators. Does that excuse his actions? No. Do I still feel a kinship with him because of his pain and because he’s one of my favorite fictional characters? Of course I do. Is it true that each time I see Michael Fassbender in that role I want to help Magneto heal his pain any way I possibly can? Absolutely.

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Seriously. Look at this guy. You know you want to hug him. Kiss him. Handcuff him to a bed frame. Whatever it takes to distract him from making any more mistakes.

I’m not going to lie. A character with a backstory like his in the hands of a gorgeous actor like Fassbender is going to win my heart every single time. He is powerful, emotionally damaged, fighting for a cause I can get behind, and smoking hot. And he fucks up constantly and continually drives a wedge between himself and the people who care about him the most. In his efforts to protect mutants, he ultimately destroys all hope of uniting them on a common front. He becomes worse than the enemy he’s fighting. And, my heart breaks for him. There isn’t enough love in this world to heal Magneto, because he refuses to be healed. He isn’t redeemable because he doesn’t wish to be redeemed.

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Let Magneto’s major flaw be a lesson for us all. You can’t heal your own pain by causing pain in others. But, that doesn’t make him any less deserving of our empathy and love. Magneto will always have a special place in my heart, in that dark corner I reserve for the justifiable villains, antiheroes and monsters. Always.

Fuckable Fictional Characters: Kilgrave

A few days ago I started writing a new post. That was Saturday. Saturday was a busy day. My son had a basketball tournament. Then my friends helped me celebrate my birthday with an 80’s Valentines dance party. Sunday was my actual birthday and I celebrated by having breakfast with an old friend and catching a few movies with my son. Monday I revised and cleaned up a manuscript and submitted it to an agent. So, you could say that the past three days were not only busy, but filled wit real life activities involving the real people in my life. I feel like that gives me a reasonable pass to take a break from writing about fictional characters I’d like to fuck.

Today the weather is bad enough that school was canceled, so I have a day at home to catch up on writing blog posts. I’m not sure if I’ll get three posts written to make up for the days I missed, but here’s my first offering.


A few months ago I got an early Christmas gift. I was watching Netflix one evening and caught a preview of a Netflix original show that’s part of the Marvel franchise. I didn’t know anything about the anti-hero Jessica Jones, but when I saw who was cast as the villain, my heart skipped a beat.

You see, David Tennant is my not so secret celebrity boyfriend. He stole my heart as the 10th Doctor, and he was up against some stiff competition. Until then, the only Time Lord I loved was the 4th Doctor. When I was a kid I loved Tom Baker so much that I would pretend to be sick so I would get sent home early to catch the afternoon showing of Doctor Who on PBS. That’s how committed I am to my geekdom.

Before this becomes a post about Doctor Who I better get back on track. Where was I? Oh, right. David Tennant. Despite his emotional range and commitment to his craft, it is often impossible to divorce the actor from the characters he plays. There are a few exceptions to this assertion. For instance, he had a much more somber role in Broadchurch as Detective Inspector Alec Hardy, but even his Hamlet is classic Tennant.

So, without further ado, and by request (this is for you Brian J. Parker), I give you the Purple Man, Kilgrave.

February 16: Kilgrave

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Kilgrave is a scary villain. That’s saying a lot for the Marvel Universe. He’s scary not only because he has the ability to control people’s minds and essentially turn them into puppets, but also because he’s a sociopath and enjoys doing evil shit to his victims.

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That’ll teach him to keep Handsome Sociopathic Stalker Weekly in stock.

A master of manipulation, he zeroes in on the people who can serve him best and then takes over their lives by making them his slaves. If he sees something or someone he likes, he simply takes them. A beautiful home, expensive clothes, free meals in swanky restaurants, jewelry and gifts for his lady friends (all of which are held against their will), and anything else he desires. Well, anything but love. For love to be real, it has to be given freely and willingly. Kilgrave is a control freak to the Nth degree, so it is impossible for him to allow people to act of their own free will and simply hope for the best outcome. He may be evil, but he certainly isn’t an idiot. He knows people can’t be trusted to do what you want them to do. In fact, he doesn’t trust people in general.

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He didn’t say “Simon says”.

Kilgrave’s trust issues developed from a childhood spent in a lab where his parents conducted scientific experiments on him in the hopes of curing a neurodegenerative disease that threatened his life. They managed to stop the disease’s progress, but in doing so tortured their son with a series of painful treatments that caused a mutation in his brain. The unexpected side effect allowed their son to control people’s minds. Unable to trust his own parents, Kilgrave decided to take his frustrations out on the rest of the world.

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Have you considered therapy instead of manipulating people to kill themselves and others?

One night while out on the town with two women under his control, he witnesses a woman, Jessica Jones, fight off two muggers and save Malcolm Ducasse. Malcolm was badly beaten and needed medical attention, but before Jessica can help him further, Kilgrave dismisses his lady friends and takes control of Jessica. He’s fascinated by her and decides to keep her. You know, like a pet. The king of backhanded compliments, he tells her, “Here I am, just debating where to eat and then BAM, there you are, performing feats of heroism. Come here, let me look at you, come on. Jesus you’re a vision, hair and the skin, appalling sense of fashion but that can be remedied.”

Bored

Quickest way to end a date.

For several months Kilgrave holds Jessica prisoner and has sex with her while she is under his mind control. Last I checked, having sex with someone without his or her consent is called rape. It doesn’t matter how many gifts you buy someone or fancy meals you feed them. If you’re using mind control or any other form of manipulation to fuck them on a regular basis, you aren’t a partner you’re a rapist.

Arseholes.gif

Assholes brag about being assholes.

Kilgrave falls in love with Jessica (obsession can look a lot like love in the eyes of a crazy person) and believes they are actually in a relationship. But how can you be in a relationship with someone when you control every aspect of your interaction with that person? If you always choose where to eat, what the person wears, and how they behave is that really love? Sounds more like a textbook abusive relationship with a narcissistic asshole, right? Except in this case, he can literally control your mind, not just use emotional manipulation to keep you trapped in a toxic relationship.

Ears

Punching him in the face and screaming “Shut the fuck up,” doesn’t even begin to cover what her reaction should be.

Deluded by his belief that he loves Jessica, he stops controlling her mind for 12 hours. It takes that much time for his influence to wear off. He takes off her mental leash to prove that she has the same feelings for him. In those 12 hours Jessica remembers all of the terrible things he has done to her, but instead of running right away, she allows him to believe that he is right. She pretends to be in love with him. And continues to take orders from him.

Kiss

Kissing a sociopath will not turn him into a prince.

Kilgrave discovers that Reva Connors has a thumb drive containing footage of the experiments he underwent as a child. He wants this information to remain a secret. He controls Reva to show him where she’s hidden it, and after Jessica uses her own super powers to punch through concrete to retrieve it, Kilgrave tells Jessica to kill Reva. Which she does by punching her so hard that she is thrown into the path of an oncoming bus. With her task complete, Jessica walks away. Kilgrave is freaked out by the fact that she won’t respond to him. He shouts after her, but she is no longer under his control. In an attempt to avoid hitting Reva, the bus driver swerves and ends up flipping the bus on its side. In the chaos, Kilgrave is distracted by Jessica’s disobedience and is hit and almost killed by the bus. Jessica is free.

Won't

Not a giver.

Her freedom is an illusion. She is still a prisoner of her own fear. Kilgrave not only raped her body, he raped her mind. To deal with the memories and nightmares, she drinks. A lot. And even though everyone else believes Kilgrave is dead, she knows better. She expects him to show up at any minute and begin torturing her again. So she tries to remain under the radar, but always keeps an eye out for signs of his return.

Purple-Smoke

I’m pretty sure the devil wears nice suits, too.

She’s smart to do that, because he isn’t dead. Just badly injured. While he recovers he obsesses about Jessica even more. He decides that he’s going to convince her to come back to him and prove that he loves her. And if she refuses to return his affection, he’ll kill her. But not before threatening to kill and killing a bunch of other people. Seems legit. Well, it seems legit if you’re a mentally ill control freak hellbent on forcing someone to love you. But here’s the rub. He knows that his ability to control her isn’t working like it did before. So instead of controlling her, he comes up with an elaborate plan to control everyone else around her.

Jessica-Kilgrave

Disapproving Sociopath disapproves of your lifestyle.

This is where things get interesting. Since he can control anyone in range of his voice, it is impossible to guess who is under his control. Jessica knows this too, which is why she’s a paranoid mess with trust issues to rival even Kilgrave’s. Some days it pays to be paranoid. Especially if you have a sociopathic stalker who thinks he’s you’re ex-boyfriend and continues to believe you loved it when he raped you.

Love-Me.gif

If you haven’t questioned why I chose to add Kilgrave to this list of fuckable fictional characters by now, then maybe you need a check up from the neck up. I mean, seriously, this guy is a monster. He uses mind control for his entertainment. Aside from Jessica, and a few of his other victims we meet, how many women has he raped or forced to commit unspeakable acts to stroke his enormous ego? And, he isn’t above killing people. Of course, he controls others to do his killing for him, but that just makes him more evil in my opinion.

Sweet-Sweet-Love

So, again, why is he on this list? Because he’s not only a scary villain with a fascinating backstory, but he really believes he’s in love with Jessica. And a sociopathic stalker with David Tennant’s face and personality is pretty sexy. The lengths he goes to to convince Jessica that his love for her is real and that she has real feelings for him beyond fear and hatred are mind-blowing. Creepy as Hell given the circumstances, but no less impressive.

Inevitable

Denial is a river full of crazy motherfuckers.

He purchases her childhood home and completely reconstructs it to look like it did when she still lived there – furniture, wallpaper, knick-knacks, and even her personal items. A grand gesture to be sure, but nightmarish in its execution. He invites her to come live there with him. She agrees to stay and allows him to do nice things for her. Even though she doesn’t behave exactly the way he wants her to, he still doesn’t try to control her. He wants her affection to be genuine. So, while she plots how to kill him, they play house for a few days and antagonize each other with threats and criticisms delivered as playful banter.

If he weren’t such a dangerous sociopath, he would be quite a catch. He’s handsome. He has great taste in food, wine, clothing, and the finer things in life. He’s highly intelligent and creative when it comes to thinking up new ways to torment and manipulate people. He has a very dark sense of humor. He’s well organized and can multitask like a criminal mastermind. He likes to give expensive gifts to his lady friends. He’s a snappy dresser. And he has a British accent. Oh, and he’s a tortured soul who deals with his pain by lashing out at others.

Maybe real love would quiet his impulse to control people. Perhaps Jessica could be a positive influence on Kilgrave.

Feel

And maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt.

Profess-Love

Many of the characters I’ve chosen for this series of blog posts, but especially this one, make me stop and think about whether it’s the character or the actor I like more. I mean I’m not completely clueless about this concept. Really horrible characters portrayed by sexy as fuck actors can create some conflicts of conscience. And when a sociopathic stalker has a lot of the same personality quirks as one of your favorite heroes, it is difficult to not see the good in that character.

Smiling-Purple-Suit

He even dresses like a Time Lord.

Love makes everyone crazy at times. A man in love is beautiful, and even if that love isn’t directed at you, you want him to be rewarded with the same affection he’s giving. But Kilgrave is complicated. He is in love. Whether that love is real or the product of his psychosis, he believes himself to be in love. And all of his efforts to prove his love are thwarted time and time again. Intellectually, I know he should be imprisoned with a bunch of horny rapists to experience what he’s done to Jessica and his other victims. If he were a real person I would have no trouble finding him guilty if I sat in the jury box. But because he is a well written fictional character with the benefit of a terrible and interesting backstory, I feel sympathy for him on some levels.

Television-Crop

Go ahead. Judge me. Like I’ve said before, I don’t have to justify why I feel this way or that about a fictional character. Do I want to meet and fall in love with a real sociopath who gets his kicks from raping women and torturing people? Of course not. Are there women out there who seek the affection of rapists and murderers who are serving life sentences in prison? Yes. I’m not one of them. But throw a complicated fictional villain with serious character flaws my way, and 9 out of 10 times, I’m attracted to them. Especially if they are emotionally damaged.

Sad-Kilgrave

Admit it. This scene gave you the feels.

But in all fairness, this particular villain looks and acts a lot like Doctor Who.

Who-Kilgrave

And, his dark humor is an endless source of amusement.

Tomato

Seriously, listening to David Tennant curse is a real treat.

Cursing

I’ll say it again. Creepy is the new sexy.

Lick

How the hell is she not waking up to make out with him?

And, his jealousy makes him a little vulnerable.

Bugger

You probably shouldn’t have chosen a giant, handsome fuck machine to do your bidding.

It also doesn’t hurt that he’s fucking adorable even when he’s planning to run away with your best friend and make her his sex slave.

Dock

I love you, you fucking psycho!

If Marvel doesn’t want me to fall in love with their villains, they should probably stop casting them with super sexy, funny actors with British accents.

And apparently, I’m not the only crazy person who loves this maniac.

Bet you wish your name was Jessica right about now.

Fuckable Fictional Characters: Captain America

As I mentioned in a previous post about Loki, the Marvel Universe has a lot of delicious eye candy on offer, a buffet of fuckable characters if you will. I know I spend a lot of time lusting after villains and monsters, but every now and then a hero catches my eye and I have to stop, stare, and possibly drool. And, oddly enough, it’s usually the clean-cut guys that turn my head. Not always, but good guys have been known to make my heart beat faster. Marvel superheroes typically have a lot of tragedy in their backstories, and have a tendency to lose people they love. If I lived in the Marvel Universe, I would provide support and comfort to those superheroes in need of a hug, or a kiss, rough sex, or whatever. What can I say? I’m a giver.

Today I will be discussing the cleanest-cut guy of them all. The superhero who set the gold standard. A man whose uniform makes me want to salute the Red, White and Blue.

February 12: Captain America

Captain-A-First

Steve Rogers is an all-American boy from Brooklyn, NY. Before he became the first Avenger, he was a scrawny little guy with a big heart who believed in fighting for freedom. More than anything, he wanted to join the armed forces and get shipped to Europe so he could start kicking Nazi ass. But, he failed the physical. After several more attempts, a scientist, Abraham Erskine, takes an interest in Steve and signs him up for “Project: Rebirth”. This secret government project was developed to create super soldiers in the hopes of defeating a rogue branch of the Nazi’s, HYDRA. Say that out loud. Rogue branch of Nazi’s. Good luck sleeping tonight. With the help of other scientists and inventors like Howard Stark, Erskine creates the Super Soldier Serum.

captain-america-the-first-avenger-steve-rogers-pun1

This is what determination looks like.

Steve completes a series of psychological and physical tests designed to gauge strength, intelligence and merit with a group of other potential test subjects. His poor health keeps him from performing the physical challenges as well as everyone else. To be fair, Steve was a pretty sickly kid.

14_physicalexam

Are you sure this isn’t a death certificate?

Despite his terrifying laundry list of ailments, Steve is chosen for “Project: Rebirth” because of his determination and commitment to being the best soldier he can be. Soon after meeting Steve, Erskine tells him, “Whatever happens tomorrow you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect soldier, but a good man.” Although Steve is worried about what might happen to him, after Erskine explains that the procedure will be very painful, he still agrees to become the first test subject.

The experiment is clearly a success. It doesn’t matter how many times I watch this scene, I am always overwhelmed by just how fucking amazing this man looks without a shirt on. Jesus wept. Steve feels physically different. Stronger. Taller. A keen sense of his increased vitality. But, he doesn’t fully appreciate his instant sex appeal.

So-Hot

That is one lucky T-shirt.

But one smart lady has recognized his appeal from the moment she met him. Peggy Carter was impressed by Steve’s problem-solving skills and the fact that he really is a good person. She can’t help falling in love. And neither can he.

Before Steve can fulfill his dream of killing Nazis, the government uses his good looks to fuel the war propaganda machine. It is during his time with the USO that he earns the name Captain America.

But he finally has a chance to show what he’s really made of when goes behind enemy lines to rescue his old friend, Bucky Barnes. Bucky’s unit was captured during a raid on a HYDRA facility. While there, Rogers encounters HYDRA’s leader, Johann Schmidt (Red Skull). Schmidt stole the Tesseract and has been using it to combine science and magic to create weapons of mass destruction in hopes of world domination.

Hugo

I couldn’t resist slipping in a shot of Hugo in his HYDRA uniform.

The Tesseract is a cube-shaped container for one of six infinity stones which has an unlimited power source. The Asgardians hid it on Earth. But because several evildoers have attempted to use the Tesseract, including Red Skull of HYDRA, to destroy the Earth, it is eventually returned to Asgard for safe keeping. Schmidt escapes after Steve confronts him, then Steve returns the freed soldiers back to base. Of this group of soldiers, he handpicks the best of the bunch and assembles a team called the Howling Commandos.

Howling-Commandos

Captain America is an equal opportunity employer.

This bunch of hard ass fighting machines shows up to chew bubble gum and kick Nazi ass. Guess what? They’re all out of bubble gum.

capt_AMERICA_Commandos

The Howling Commandos take down the HYDRA facility, but once again Schmidt escapes. Steve climbs aboard Schmidt’s aircraft to stop him. During their fight, the Tesseract is damaged and Schmidt comes in direct contact with the power source and it turns him into vapor. The aircraft crashes into the ocean and Steve and the Tesseract are lost. Howard Stark tracks down the Tesseract and retrieves it, but is still unable to locate Steve. Nearly 70 years later, a scientific exploration team discovers Steve frozen in a block of ice. He  awakens in a hospital room that attempts to recreate the 1940s, but he realizes something is wrong when the radio announcer makes a mistake about a date.

After Nick Fury recruits Steve for a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission, he tries to fit in and pick up where he left off. Working with the other Avengers can be challenging at times, but it keeps him busy. He has a somewhat antagonistic, yet friendly relationship with Tony Stark.

Stark-Capt-Teeth

In all fairness, Steve had a better relationship with Howard Stark than his son did, so Tony’s a bit jealous. For more than one reason.

Wood

I think Tony has a crush.

Steven even makes Thor a little nervous.

Thor-Nervous

And he really gets along with Black Widow.

Despite the fact that he was frozen for nearly 70 years, he manages to jump right back into the hero gig. And he looks super fine doing it.

Seriously, that man’s body should have it’s own religion.

Fun-Fact

I’m only concerned about how fast he can get those pants off.

Fuckable Fictional Characters: Loki Laufeyson

When I’m not fantasizing about smoking hot vampires (which I do a lot) or sexy British librarians (ditto), I like to focus my wanton attentions on the Marvel Universe. I enjoyed reading the comics as a kid and idolized Stan Lee’s superhero creations, but as an adult, I’ve come to realize, especially after watching the wonderful series of films about the various Avengers, that there is an absolute smorgasbord of fuckable characters in the Marvel Universe. Throughout the month of February, I’ll be talking about many of them – Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, and Wolverine – all fuckable. But this post is devoted to one of my favorite villains from the Marvel Universe.

February 3: Loki Laufeyson

Some of you may be saying, “Loki? Why would you find Loki attractive?” To which I would reply, after the collective din of fangirls around the world screaming “Duh!” stops echoing in space, “You must be feeble minded.”

Green-Eyed-Loki

Duh!

Loki is an Asgardian Prince, the God of Mischief, and the adopted son of Odin and Frigga. The fact that Loki plots revenge against his family, in part due to his MAJOR daddy issues, and wishes to usurp the throne of Asgard from his super-sexy brother, Thor, tells me that he has an interesting story to tell. He is Hellbent on world domination and will stop at nothing to get what he wants. This human-sized frost giant, although not born of Asgard, still has comparable superhuman strength, agility, speed, longevity, and stamina, which allows him to successfully outwit and outmaneuver the various Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D., and the omniscient Guardian of Worlds, Heimdall.

Loki-and-Stark

They should totally kiss and make up.

Loki is a sorcerer and master of illusion, with the ability to control the minds of lesser beings (humans in particular), allowing him to create copies of himself, make himself and others invisible, and appear to be other people. His greatest strengths are manipulation and deception. He likes controlling others and would have enslaved the entire population of Earth if Thor and the Avengers didn’t stop him.

Kneel

Note to self: Buy knee pads.

He is highly intelligent, obviously well-organized to pull off some of the schemes he concocts, and shows little remorse if he has to kill people who stand in his way. With the exception of Thor and his mother Frigga, the two people he cares the most about, Loki shows little more than morbid curiosity and desire for power when it comes to his interactions with other Asgardians, humans, and other alien cultures. And what he feels for Odin is an unquenchable passion for patricide. Loki loves Frigga, and at the very least, respects Thor when he isn’t envying his status in Asgard. When Thor falls in love with Jane Foster, Loki taunts him for being weak and chastises him for allowing his emotions for a human woman to cloud his judgment. Loki has no love interest that we’re made aware of, and since he devotes all of his time and energy to destroying worlds and stealing Thor’s place on the Asgardian throne, he really doesn’t have much time for romantic relationships. And his use of…colorful language when talking to the ladies, might hinder his attempts at finding a female companion.

Quim

Arcane profanity can easily be mistaken as an awkward attempt to get in your panties.

And, we get a glimpse of what turns him on when Jane Foster punches him in the face and his reaction is to smile lewdly and say to Thor, (as if Jane isn’t still standing there), “I like her.”

Because Loki is obsessed with domination, lives to control others, uses vulgarities when speaking to women, looks great in bondage gear, and apparently enjoys being hit by ladies, many fangirls and boys have jumped to the conclusion that he probably has some rather kinky fetishes…or at the very least, inspires our imaginations.

Still uncertain about what makes this character so appealing? Well, for starters, he’s played by Tom Hiddleston, who is NEVER not sexy, and has been cast as some other fictional characters that will blow your mind.

Here he is as Sir Thomas Sharpe the sexy serial killer in Guillermo Del Toro’s Gothic Horror film, Crimson Peak.

Thomas-Sharpe

Oh. My. Goth!

He also plays Adam, in Jim Jarmusch’s film, Only Lovers Left Alive, which shows a unique view of life as a vampire.

Adam

Eat that bloodsicle!

And here’s Tom just being his adorable self.

And once again as Loki…arguing with children.

Seriously, that is effing adorable.